i knew it....

u might not believe in thing dat am gonna say..
but i can always feel and sense if something not right happens to my love ones.
my heart will beat faster.
so dont cheat, (if u're in the list of my love ones) =p
because i know something is bothering u at the moment..
and i'll try my best to discover whats going on.
its not that i wanna fuss around, but I truly care.

Oko mii...mo nifee re...

i wish i could scream my lungs out and tell him this...
i wish i could tell the whole world how much am in love with him..
but i couldnt..i simply can't...
i have to delete 2 blog posts to respect his privacy...
i dont wanna ruin everything he has now....

i pray each day for us to be together...
i know am emotionally driven..
i know i cant control my emotion..
i am a passionate person, i CANt be heartless,
even i've tried several times to be one...

Love, we may have several misunderstandings due to our culture and language barriers...
but nothing can stop me from loving you....
not even the people around me...
nothing in this world cant be talked about

sometimes you're very strict and rigid towards me....
and it reminds me of my fierce dad...
how glad i am when i found someone who is like my dad...
because my dad is the only MAN who can TAME the furious me....
thank you for being someone who loves and guides me at the same time..

I never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with...

oko mii...mo niferee..

Hey You!

You cant get me by ur sweet talks, darling.
Am not easy, u gotta work for it.
since promises are meant to be broken, i wont trust any of it, at least from now on.
if u think u have struggled to get me, u're wrong.
nothing is confirmed in this world, and am not even ur wife yet.
at any time, any place, i can find a guy who is truly in love with me for who i am.
am not bragging.i know am not that pretty.but am stunning.
I wont be like the girls that u have met before, if only u treat me right.
if u're thinking to have more than me, forget it.
I'll be the BEST you NEVER had.and you're the one who'll regret.

what u give, u get back..revenge?simply KARMA.

heartache.this is not bout love.it's about friendship.
i just dont get it, Why in a world that PERSON tries to break our friendship by "poisoning" her mind that our circle of friends is discriminating and humiliating HER?


hello??how old are u bitch?why do u behave like a high school student? Go to hell!U simply dont know us, and dont u dare to judge us. Nak mengata kami, JUMPE AKU FACE TO FACE!!


To You (u know who u are) How many years have u spent ur time with us? Why are u easily influenced by that bitch's words? U're not a KID. Do we have to tell u each time
HOW MUCH WE LOVE U?
If u want that, sorry, we CANT do that.
we simply have our own way of expressing our love to people who deserve it.
If u think u are not appreciated being with us, u MAY LEAVE us. I am sicked and tired when u say, WHAT YOU GIVE, U GET BACK.
U wanna revenge?sorry, wrong people, place and time.
I dont wanna be such a bitch and do nasty things to u.
i appreciate all my friends. WE do appreciate u. too bad, u simply COULDN'T see that. It's not our lost anyway.

i dont mean no harm. i just want u guys to know that LOVE is beyond WORDS.
I am angry, upset, and disappointed when i heard that from someone I considered as a good friend of mine.
I know am dragging this issue, but I dont feel good when i think bout it.
So, YOU.THINK and DECIDE.

Is it worth fighting for?

"Anything that worth having, well am sure enough worth fighting for"

How sure are u it's worth fighting for, Cheryl? even u and ur husband went separate ways... should i trust u, Cheryl?? hahahha..poyo la waniey.
Well, i went and met him after breaking my fast today. Was about to call everything off. but.. Before that, i talked to someone, who had opened my eyes bout relationship. So, take it easy Waniey. not everything is going ur way. Let's see how it goes. bak kate madam Adzura,

"If he is serious bout u, he'll plan everything 2 be with u"

Hence, i think i should be relax and chill rite now as am the queen here. *wink2* I shouldnt burden myself with his problem, and not being so emotionally dependent with his actions. oh, come on!u're a grown up woman Waniey.no need to act like a child. Buck up, girl! Focus and concentrate with ur studies! By hook or by crook u have to graduate at the end of this year! till my fingers dance on the keyboard again...

down to memory lane is not that bad at all!

regardless of the workloads, I still wanna have fun!
Today is a public holiday for Malaysians, Happy Independence Day people!
so last nite we were hunting for firecrackers (shouldnt it be MEN?LOL) to be burnt.
Me, Hafiz, Alyani, and Syida were together in this. Since we didnt want to celebrate Merdeka somewhere in KL with the crowd, we decided to celebrate it in our own way,
which is buying those petite firecrackers and mercun.hahahah.
after the hang out at Pak Li Kopitiam, (with arguments, heart to heart session, laughs and fights with Hafiz, Syida n Lya) we went straight to Seksyen 18 to find those kiddies firecrackers. Sadly, we didnt find any there.

No retreat no surrender! We went to Uptown 24 to find those.and we found it!
We spent RM13 for various types of firecrackers (mercun gasing, bunga api yg batang besi tu, mercun lebah!dan mercun naga). Feel like losers at first when we tried to burn the mercun gasing, but then it turned out to be a great small event for us. we enjoyed playing with each other just like the good old days!It reminds me of my childhood experience during Eid. The celebration of Eid nowadays doesnt feel the same like when I was a kid. *sigh*

I really love doing these trifle things that makes me happy and feel appreciated, and loved by people around me. I am this childish sometimes.

gotta go now. have a date with some1 new.dont u think i should move on?? *wink2*

Jump Starter, Anyone?

I actually have a lot of works to be done. assignments. Academic Exercise.Presentations.But i need a jump start for that. frankly speaking, I have no motivation to complete all the assignments given and am worried. I wanna finish my degree with flying colours, yet, i wonder why am i being this way.

I had fun this semester. I am still enjoying it.Love life/social life is perfectly managed *yeke??* (regardless the emotional pains that he puts me through, i dont give a damn!). I just wanna live my life with no regrets.let my mistakes teach me how to lead a perfect life in the future. may Allah show me the right way for the betterment. Thanks Eugenia for the eye-opening advice. I put it nicely in my memory box.

Mom and Dad, please pray for my success. I really need ur prayers now. I truly hope that i wont disappoint u two this time.I'll do what it takes to graduate and start working by next year. I just need the strength and motivation to complete all this, and get over these 5 wonderful years (tanak ltak 1/2 sebab nampak huduh.hahah.)of being a university student. am gonna miss those moments that we have, people!! I love u guys,thanks for being by my side during my ups and downs. I know am surrounded by great people with great love and concern.<-------- (this is for u my beloved Aminah, Alyani, Emy Shafikah, Syahida Samad, Fatimah Filzah, Shella Joseph, Syah Feymousa, Zafi Zakaria, Muammar Fhais, Sharifah Muna Maisarah, Bahiyah Shariff, Hafizuddin Zainal, and those who were/ are with me all these years)

To you, Mr. A. Valentine. I dont know what's the purpose of u meeting my close friends and took us out for dinner at TGIF before going to China. Thanks for that. But I simply dont get it: what's with the 5 days of silent treatment then?? what did i do?is this good bye?If it's a YES, i'll take it positively. Maybe we're not meant to be together after 4 months seeing each other?OKAY. I am ok.(saya masih tersenyum semasa menulis ini) I'll be waiting for ur explanation, and am ready for any consequences.(SANGAT positif kan??) There are reasons why people meet, and I don't wanna regret the day we met each other. i wont shed a tear for this. am a GROWN UP woman.it's ur lost if u cant see my potential. *wink2* (credit to Hafezeen for giving me the book "Too Soon to Old, Too Late to Smart" by Gordon Livingston)

To Eugenia Ida, I just wanna laugh!!!both of us have experienced shits (maafkan kate2 kesatku) that happened in our life due to our foolishness.and am thankful i still can see those stupid things made by me(ko punye pon aku nampak gak!) and got the chance to mend my mistakes. Mari pastikan yg kite akan graduate n kerja!!bole shopping sakan! (that's what we both are good at=menghabiskan duet!)

I think that's all for today. Thank u for lending me ur eyes.need to get back to work on my thesis. (sempat lg update blog keyynn...)

Thanks Syah, Zafrul, Shell n Gee for the simple yet perfect hang out last nite. oh, I met someone who is so refreshing yesterday. I'll write bout him when am ready ;)

tudung.headcover.hijab.headgear.or whatever we call it.

I am raised in a family who taught me deeply bout my religion.am a Muslim, and since I was 6 years old my mom had made it compulsory to wear tudung@headcover. She won't allow me to go out with bare head. alhamdulilah...am so thankful to born and raised in this beautiful family."Why do Muslim women have to cover their heads?" it is simply because "We want to stop men from treating us like sex objects, as they have always done. We want them to ignore our appearance and to be attentive to our personalities and mind. We want them to take us seriously and treat us as equals and not just chase us around for our bodies and physical looks."

Yet, i was a very rebellious child, I still am. I've tried not to wear my head cover so many times when I was in year 4 and Year 6. After several unsuccessful tries, i gave up and just followed whatever mom had told me to do. I realized the benefits of wearing head cover then. Until now i conform to the idea that it is better for women to wear hijab/headcover.

Lately, many of my colleagues were surprised when they see me in pictures without my head cover.yeah.I never showed my hair to men (sedara mara mestilah aku tunjuk je kan, mksud aku kawan2 lelaki aku) before. I would like to apologize here. It's not that i DON'T WANT to wear my head cover, it's THE FORCE OF CIRCUMSTANCE.some said that am being hypocrite for wearing it when I have classes, and free hair when am going out. Thank you for the comments people. I accept that. Now, please let me stand out for myself.

I know I've broken the commandments set by my own religion.I know am at fault. I did this after taking several things into consideration. This issue of wearing head cover is actually brought up by my Mr.Sweet Talker as he was uncomfortable going out with me when every single person we meet will be glaring at us.not once.not twice.its more than thrice.Therefore he asked me if i can take out my headgear (that's what he calls it) when am with him. His reason of asking me doing so is quite reasonable. He said that he doesnt want to be humiliated when he's with me.(he had been arrested by the police when he was walking with a Malay friend together with her son). Do i want to see him been caught when he is walking with me in public then?Try to put urself in my shoes. ~~Force of Circumstance No.1

Force of Circumstance No.2~~Most Malaysians don't like Black people. We think that they are troublesome. We claim that they are criminals. Hence, they don't like to see their women with any black guys. Since am not as fair as a Malay woman should be, not wearing my head cover is actually hindering the public from seeing me as a Malay girl. I am proud to be a Malay girl, but i have to reconsider things that are happening around me. that is the sacrifice i made to be with him. i really hope he understands that.And most of the time when am not wearing my head cover are the times when am with him.

I just wanna give something for us to ponder here. How sure are we that Black people are all misbehaving in this country?? Is each one of them doing the same things/mistakes?? should every black people been blame for the increasing crime cases in our country?? YOU have the answer, and I have mine. I am not backing up these people. Those who are corrupting this country (selling women and children, drug dealers n etc) PLEASE DO arrest them. But for those who have good intention staying in this country, let them live as normal human beings. Imagine if you're going to America or London, do u want the natives to treat us like rubbish there??hell nooooo~He has opened my eyes regarding this issue. I don't wanna be bias. He is the one I love, my country is the place where I was born,my race is what am proud to be. i just want us to rethink and reconsider. there's nothing that he does will make me turn my back towards my country, religion, and race. I am trying my best to change for the betterment too. Renung2kan dan selamat beramal..;)

Him, I call Love.

continued...
It was 16th April 2010.
We had been talking all day ..We got to know each other...we did talk about a lot of things..there was a question he asked that made me think "what can i do to make u happy?" There's no man ever asked this question to me before. Yes Waniey. What do u really want in life?What can make u happy?? I didn't answer that question. I left it been unsaid. Let the time reveal things that can make me happy, along the way of our journey..

He kept on texting and 'bothering' me every day, for a week.And I like it.(duh-uh, who doesnt?) The first message he sent to my cell phone was "I love u Wanie, Colins". That was sweet. I had to go back to JB that particular morning, so we couldn't see each other. (noted that at this point, we haven't met each other, and i believed that the person in the picture was him). He greeted me each morning and called me twice a day. He is so full of wisdom and fun to talk to. From the way he says things, I can see that he's an honest person. One thing bout him is, he loves to flatter me with his sweet talks. There's a lot of beautiful things that he said to me (which i wish I didn't buy all), but he convinced me to believe those. yeah. am a girl, a woman. Of course I wanna be with the man who can accept me the way i am.

After a week, i went back to Shah Alam to work on my thesis, and we decided to meet on Saturday, 24th April. I talked to him that day, and in the middle of our conversation, he said that he had to rush to go somewhere. I said, "OK". As i expected, we didn't make it to see each other that day. (at that time I was so disappointed as he didnt tell me where he actually went). panas beb!membara je hati.tp xpe.I waited for him, and he showed up in Skype. He apologized and said that he knew I was not happy with what happened that day. He told me that he went to Nilai for a seminar on Oil and Gas Development in Malaysia.ok.chill Waniey.chill.Apology accepted, Mr.Sweet Talker. Okay.this is the most important part of this post. As we canceled the meeting on Saturday, our first date was on Sunday, 25th April. The night before we met, he CONFESSED something unexpected. Let's just read whatever i have here..

(Skype, 4/25/2010 7:05:43 PM]
malcom: do you really love me?
waniey: i think i love u
malcom: good
malcom: how far can you go with me?
waniey: i would want 2 have a family with u
malcom: great
malcom: love you for that
malcom: do you believe in me and trust me?
waniey: what do u think?
malcom: 250% yes malcom: i love your smile so much
malcom: i love your eyes so much
malcom: now listen to me very well,I have fallen deeply in love with you even before meeting you
malcom: and I do not want this feeling to die because i trust my heart about that
malcom: now, because am deeply in love with you,I just can't let you slip off my hands malcom: am ready to meet you today
malcom: but want to tell you one simple truth, am a black British boy,not a white boy.

Alrite, now u tell me how I should feel bout this??I cant lie to myself. I was so upset. It's not because of he is a black guy, it's because he lied to me. I know how Malaysians treat Black people here. They don't want to see their girls with them. I did a lot of thinking that morning. We continued our discussion til morning, and decided to meet in Sunway Pyramid. U may think am crazy for making him my baby, but am now with him, and it works both ways.

Our first meeting changed my perception towards him. He's a very positive man. The smell of his Issey Miyaki lingered on me. The way he talks, his eyes, his smiles, are totally different from other black guys. He doesnt have the good look that every woman dreams of, but he has the X-factor that typical men don't have. He's doing his MBA here, he has UK citizenship (i've seen his passport and his student card). His aims and goals in life are very high, he even has his own real-estate company in his continent. I learned these things bout him bit by bit, as our relationship goes on. He had taught me a lot (as he is 10 years older than me). he loves to travel, in fact he is now in China..humm..and he has the same quality as my dad has.. Their attitude and behaviour are almost the same!! What a coincidence!(am not making this up, even my sister told me same thing). The things that am worried about is his religion and my family.

I dont care what people might say bout us. You can say am desperate for accepting him in my life, because u simply dont know why this man worth ME. He lifts my feet off the ground and spins me around with his eagerness and spirit. Am not impressed with his love, because anyone can LOVE anybody, but the way he see things and deal with it catches my heart. Thus, its true when u people say "Don't judge a book by its cover". This man whom i call Love, has so much to offer than any men that I've met before. I couldnt say everything here. Let me just keep it to myself coz i know, people will never understand it. No offense.. He's still the one after 4 months we've been completing each other. ;)

I was wearing my head cover during our first date. Just imagine how people around me reacted seeing me with a black boy. They looked at us like we have no nose. Whats wrong with going out with black people?they are human being too...they have feelings and brains too. Its better for us to get to know someone before judging them. Sometimes, they are much better than us.That's an ugly truth that most Malays can't accept. thats why we're backward. I dont have to tell the details, all of us can think. Renug2kan, and Selamat Beramal ;)

I am Drop Dead Gorgeous!I know I am..;)

Whoah..this is how it feels to write! well...am not very good at this, yet i would like to see how writing could help me in improving my English... ;)

anyway, this is my very "1st newborn baby" At the first place, I've created this blog to follow my best friend's updates, Eugenia Ida Edward, as she loves to write. She's a kind of person who doesn't show how she feels about something. She rarely shares her emotion, and i found out that blog is the only medium that I can feel her true emotion towards somethings. (I know u'll laugh when u read this, beech!). This girl loves to make fun of me, sometimes i pissed off too, but most of the time i enjoy her sarcasm. She simply knows the best way to criticize w/o me getting angry.

i dont have much time to write as am a very busy person. (i got these circle of friends that i have to entertain) as well as my assignments. hahha. I only write when i feel like doing so...this evening, i suddenly feel like starting a new post after watching a movie entitled "If Only". I've watched this movie for more than 10 times, but i still cry every time i watch it. I simply hate to cry as I think it shows how weak I am..but sometimes, i couldn't control it. For those who havent watched this film, u better do, especially MEN. This film shows how to appreciate ur woman. We, human beings, tend to appreciate things/people only after it's/they're gone, when we feel empty without 'em. This is a total B.S i would say. Cherish the moment u have with people around u, while it lasts. Speaking about cherishing the moment with the person we love, I would like to share something that's beautifully happening in my life. The day i thought I had enough of men is the day I found him.

My previous relationships and affairs were all disappointing. I don't blame my ex-bfs/scandals *wink2*, there were mistakes that I've made too that caused failure. Since am not as beautiful,adorable, and petite as a Malay girl should be, I always have this doubt that my men will never stick with me. I was always being suspicious of what they were doing without me and doubt their feelings towards me...they had enough of it, and we broke up. There was also a guy who intentionally played with my heart. I felt like a total idiot at that time. I've cried a lot. My friends were all surprised to see me in gloom because am a very, very cheerful person. this is the starting point when I lose weight. I've lost 15kgs at that time due to broken heart. Now I would like to thank that particular person for giving me the chance to feel "lighter" than before.Thanks K.H!! The day i got over him and decided not to fall in love with any men, I found a man of my dream.

We knew each other from Tagged. He sent me a message saying that he's interested to know me..hahah.."duh-uh..just another guy in TAGGED" i said it in my heart. Then I went to his profile to view his photo. there's only a photo of him. From what I've seen, I believed that he is a Caucasian from British Virgin Island. I said "WOW!!" ok..relax waniey..dont get too excited. I've been dreaming of dating a "Mat Salleh" since I was a kid, and now what??My dream comes true??jeng jeng jeng...(to be continued)